an open letter to a friend, in honour of valentine’s day

Alright, coffee thermos.  Here’s the thing.

I know you’re angry because I ‘never wash you’ — which is totally a lie, for the record, because I definitely found you in the sink on Monday and it was the clean side of the sink before you even think about getting all sassy on me; we have a system — but do you really have to keep dribbling coffee on my desk every time I try to drink out of you?  I understand that you were a free gift and maybe that makes you feel like I don’t expect a lot of you.  I DON’T expect a lot out of you, coffee thermos.  Namely, I expect you to house coffee so that I may drink it.  Which is your intended purpose.  I appreciate your feelings and I respect your need to express them, but this passive aggression has got to stop.

And, yes, I have been eyeing that other thermos, the one with the Starship Enterprise blueprints printed on it.  But last time I checked, we were not in an exclusive relationship.  I can see other beverage containers.  This is not an all or nothing kind of deal, coffee thermos.

Honestly, you’re embarrassing yourself.  Get a grip or we are going to break up.

Respectfully submitted,



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