you’ll be doing alright with your christmas of white

Well, I have exhausted all potential work activities for the day. Guess it’s blogging time…?

As you continuing readers have probably noticed (and are sick of hearing), the holidays are a pretty negative time of year for me. This year isn’t much different, though I’m having a very hard time trying to decide how I feel about this holiday season. Thanksgiving was a hot mess at my folks’ house: Grandma had an accident, Mum was a wreck, Grandpa was incredibly rude. I got to meet the famous Winston (my cousin’s now nine-month-old son), but there were few good parts to a very long and stressful 36 hours.

The Monday after Thanksgiving, both of my grandparents fell and they have been recovering in a local nursing home. This brought about a lot of relief and those of you who know me or even just read this blog will understand why. My grandfather managed to fracture a vertebra in his fall and my grandmother was pretty bruised up, so it was nice to know they were somewhere where someone could take care of them and keep them safe. I was hoping that they would remain in the nursing home until after Christmas as it would take a lot of pressure and worrying off of my folks and we could maybe have a good holiday for the first time in ten years.

Unfortunately, my grandfather has decided that they’re coming home.

Today.

I haven’t called my folks yet and I’m not looking forward to the process. I’ve been at work since 8.15 and am using the errands I need to run afterwards as an excuse for not calling. That’s just the kind of kid I am. With my hopes of a happy family Christmas now dashed, I am not keen to get anymore involved in the whole sordid situation. I will call, of course. I always do. I just want to delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

But despite all of this, I’m trying to stay optimistic about things and get into the holiday spirit. I’ve been listening to Christmas music. I decorated the house. I’ve been buying presents and planning baking adventures and going to parties. I watched Disney Christmas movies with Greg. I drank eggnog. I went to see the zoo lights. I decorated the office tree.

I keep finding myself a little bit more excited about the time of year, a little more optimistic that maybe things won’t be so bad or hectic or upsetting. I’m nervous to get my hopes up because I know what holidays are like with my family. But I know that it’s just me and Da on Saturday and I know I’ll see some friends while I’m home. I’m trying to focus on the good things. It’s tricky, but I’m giving it the old college try. Yesterday I found myself thanking Greg because he had, in a way, encouraged me to make amends with a person I don’t care for who has caused me a lot of stress and hurt feelings. Life’s a lot different when you put yourself in a position to be around positive people. And while I’m not feeling 100% better about the situation and I’m not really looking forward to going home on Friday, I’m going to keep keeping my chin up, because that’s what positive people do.

So this weekend, I’m going to take my menorah with me to my parents’ house. I’m going to spend Saturday making heavily spiked eggnog and riffing with my da. I’m going to sing in my mother’s choir and smile through all of the jokes about how scary the Big City must be compared to my parents’ basement. I’m going to be as polite as I can be to my grandfather and walk away when I can’t take it anymore. And one of these days, things will be better back home. And one of these days, we’ll have a happy Christmas.

In the meantime, we’ll just get drunk.

thanks for the christmas card…