we’re gonna end up in a great big fight

For any interested parties, here is what life is like in BTown right now:

I’m living at home, in my parents’ basement like so much really depressing Fonzi.  I haven’t had much of any contact with someone close to my age since I got here, with a few exceptions for the very lengthy graduation party, some phone calls, a brief coffee date with Christie, and a trip to Rockford.  My mother has become infinitely more coddling in the past few weeks than I ever suspected possible in that amount of time, and Da is never home.  I have a job.  It’s at Sam’s.  So ‘job’ is kind of a euphemism  for ‘semi-constant frustration’.  My brother is attempting to turn me into an alcoholic, which is nothing new, really.  I spent today at the Kickapoo Pow Wow outside of LeRoy, which was awesome, but the sauna-like atmosphere of the tent seems to have given me a slight case of heat stroke, so I’m kind of a pain in the ass right now.

This all sounds terrifically sophomoric and whiny.  Awesome.

I wish I was more optimistic about this whole ‘job’ situation.  I know I complain about it to an extent that is trying on everyone, including myself.  The pay is relatively decent, especially considering the fact that it’s part-time.  But the fact of the matter is, I’m working for one of the largest companies in the world; I am nothing but a number to these people (and a tiny one at that); there is nothing challenging about this position except the amount of patience it tries; and I am not living up to my potential in any sense of the word.  I’m bored.  I’m frustrated.  I’m far too over-educated for this job.  I would rather be working anywhere else than for this company (and I’m including Mickey D’s in that, mind you).  I need something ELSE.  …Preferably SOON.

The issues I have with this ‘job’ are infinitely multiplied by the steady conflicts I’m having with my mother.  She has this really brilliant tendency to neglect to remember that I’m of legal age now and capable of making my own decisions and consequential possible mistakes.  She also refuses to LISTEN when I’m talking to her.  And this isn’t just about important stuff, like the fact that I don’t like driving her car because I can’t see anything in it and am terrified of having an accident (which I’ve already had a few of in said car).  It’s things like, ‘You look tired.’  ‘That’s because I am tired.  I was working.’  ‘Why are you tired?’  THIS IS A CONVERSATION I HAVE ABOUT ONCE A DAY.  I repeat myself constantly.  And this is coming from someone who willingly hangs out with a guy who’s partially deaf!

Gah.  This is old news, I know.  I guess I could just handle the drudgery of my ‘job’ if I had somewhere I could go and relax at after said job.  But I don’t.  I go back to my parents’ house and proceed to be grilled on why I look so miserable and tired and why I’m never at home and why we’re (my mother and myself) not hanging out and how’s Pete doing today?  I haven’t talked to Pete, Mother.  I was at work.  WHY DO YOU THINK I’M LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW????

Motherfucker I’m so sick of her.

They’re buying another car.  Another fucking HHR with its fucking blindspots and fucking shitty brakes and she has NO IDEA why I’m upset about this or, now that I think of this, that I’m upset AT ALL.  Maybe when SHE spins off the road in the middle of a snowstorm in that little plastic deathtrap because it doesn’t brake for shit, SHE’LL understand why a person would never want to get inside that kind of car EVER AGAIN.

And on top of all of this, I desperately miss everyone.  Stupid heat stroke.  Stupid Bloomington.  Fuck me in the ear.

For the thousandth time, I want to go home.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Tim Osburn
    Jun 07, 2010 @ 14:54:31

    It was good to see you last weekend. I know it is hard being in the situation you are in. At least you can be assured that nothing lasts forever and there inevitably will come a time when the situation is better for you. I advise some serious meditation exercises in the privacy of your own room. Also, communcation with good friends. As for the job, most jobs are as you describe. I’ve had numerous ones. But better level jobs have more politics to them. So, there is always something. Meanwhile, save your money and try for the calm place, and remember, you have good friends that care about you. As for your relationship with your mother, it is altogether too standard. So try and remember it when you yourself are a mother and try to remember it in all of your relationships. She thinks she is just taking care of you, but you can see that there is a controlling aspect to it. Remember that it is an important lesson. Consideration often has an ulterior motive.


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