i hear that voice in my head…

I’m a month and a day out from graduating college.  So that’s terrifying.

School’s fine.  I’ve gotten to the point where everything that’s designed to be challenging is super easy and I just can’t bring myself to care enough.  I want to be done.  I want to move on.  I’ve been feeling crazy nostalgic recently, and I keep thinking about the summer after I graduated high school.  I think this is mostly due to the fact that I miss Paiga like NOBODY’S BUSINESS, but I can definitely see parallels to my life and relationships now and the ones back then.  Hopefully this time things work out better…

I’ve decided that, no matter what, I’m moving to Chicago.  I have yet to hear from Teach for America (where I applied to go work with intercity kids) and I’m not supposed to for about a week.  I really didn’t enjoy the in-person interview: all that was discussed was how I was going to get my kids to have flawless test scores so that the school administrators didn’t get fired.  I know that’s the whole deal with No Child Left Behind, but I also know I call bullshit when I smell it, and there’s definitely a rather pungent odour surrounding this.  So if they offer me Chicago, I’m going to take it just so I can move there.  And if they offer me somewhere else, I’ll say thanks-but-no-thanks.  I can find other things to do with my time.

I applied to a few different Borders stores and Argo Tea Company online a couple weeks ago, and actually got a call from one of the Borders locations today.  The woman offered me an interview for sometime next week.  …When I have school.  And rehearsal.  That I can’t get out of.  I just about screamed.  I need a job.  I need a job so badly, if only to get out of the Basement in Bloomington and get my mum off my back about paying for my taxes.  The Borders lady said she would call again when it got closer to May, but I’m not sure if she actually will.  Shit.  Shit shit shit I hate life sometimes.

This is a good thing though, right?  Someone’s interested in me.  Someone wants to potentially hire me.  I just have to remind myself that the world hasn’t ended yet.  I’m not a failure.  Everything will be fine.

Question up for debate: am I completely lame for not wanting to work in theatre for a while?  To just have a job and be a slave to the man for a little while before diving headfirst into hours of rehearsal and paperwork and stage managerial stress?  I love theatre; I really, really do.  But I just want a break: from school, from theatre, from fighting through German literature.  I just want my mind numbed for a little while.  Is this wrong?

Of course, we must also consider the fact that I know that the more I work, the more I get paid.  And the more I get paid, the more money I can save.  And the faster I save money, the sooner I can hop a train to come to Carbondale and visit the Gentleman Caller.  Skype is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the same as one-on-one-and-potentially-naked snuggle time.

Are you there, G-d?  It’s me, Kiri.  If you could pull a few strings with the Borders lady, that would be really, really cool.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Asbjorn
    Apr 14, 2010 @ 16:57:42

    Wow. College is over. That was fast. I know you can find some sort of job in Chicago. It’s a big place and you’re a smart presentable person who will work just to get somewhere at this point. It’ll happen. I miss Paige, myself. It’s hard to maintain at a distance, but we do the best we can. I think a break from one’s art is necessary, fairly often in this life. Sometimes the break can go on for a few years. Sometimes it is just a few weeks. You’ll know when you want to go back to it. Don’t worry about what it means. It’s absolutely normal. You have worked hard for years. Now you want to zone and play. Totally reasonable. I thinks you should write some dirty poetry for your gentleman caller, just for funsies. Anyway, something off the beaten path of the last few years. Funny is just extended fun, you know?


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