you can have the christmas tree

Here is what I’m thinking about right now.

Maybe this is a Jew thing or a emo-kid thing, or maybe it’s just a Kirius thing, but I really, really, really dislike Christmas.  I dread Christmas.  The one day of the year that most of the country can agree is pretty swell is the day I most desire to sleep through or ignore.  I wake up every Christmas morning, violently willing the day to not be the 25th of December.  Any other day.  Please, Lord, let it be any day that isn’t Christmas Day.  But, of course, it always is.  Which only makes things worse, really.  This probably makes me a Scrooge or a fascist or something, but I can’t even stand the idea of Christmas.  But let me tell you why.

Reasons Why I Don’t Like Christmas:

1. I live in America.  In particular, I live in Illinois.  Southern Illinois, most of the time.  And maybe this is the case in predominantly-Christian countries everywhere, I don’t know, but in Southern Illinois, Christmas begins in August.  Which means that Christmas decorations are up, Christmas presents are being sold, and Christmas music is being played for three and a half straight months.  Christmas songs are, by far, the most annoying songs in the entire universe, if for no other reason than when it gets to be the Christmas season, one is hard-pressed to find a radio station that is playing anything but.  Also, there are…what?  A dozen or so Christmas songs?  Twenty at the most?  And they are covered by every single sorry sap with a recording contract.  And played.  Constantly.  Quite irritating.

2. Christmas is a holiday I do not personally celebrate.  I don’t begrudge anyone who celebrates Christmas; that’s totally cool with me.  I have said on several occasions that I really enjoy casually observing Christmas.  The lights are pretty, the snow is gorgeous (when it happens, which it doesn’t much in Central or Southern Illinois), the general feeling of good cheer is really nice to be around.  I even like some Christmas movies (top five Christmas movies: Nightmare Before Christmas, The Muppet Christmas Carol, It’s a Wonderful Life, Batman Returns, and The Charlie Brown Christmas Special).  I can enjoy Christmas.  However, I prefer to enjoy it from the outside.  I am a Christmas wallflower.  I don’t want to be immersed in it, stuck in the mall while it’s going on, practising it with any real dedication, or going anywhere near a church on or around the supposed date of Christ’s birth.  It’s just not my thing.

3. As a general rule, Christmas at the Palm house is the worst holiday of the year.  My da is usually working (tomorrow being a great example of this rule) and Mum gets overly stressed real easily.  There is almost always a fight about me going to church (Mum usually wins just because I get tired of her yelling); there is inevitably some sort of fit involving grandma and grandpa, usually ending in Grandma crying, Da yelling, or Grandpa holing up in the bathroom for an immeasurable amount of time; my brother is generally an asshole (which is, really, nothing new).  And that’s on the good years.  Everyone is stressed out, irritated, and, in general, unhappy.  Yet we all are told to pretend that this is a happy holiday?  Yeah, I know, it’s the anniversary of Jesus’s birth and all that bullshit, but I don’t fucking care.  In fact, the thing that keeps me from outright disliking Jesus is the fact that his birthdays tend to suck as much as–if not more than–mine.  We’re kindred spirits in that regard.

Is it too much to ask that this sort of falderal ends?  That we could have one Christmas that doesn’t end in tears and upset stomachs?  That we could do something quiet and simple and actually have a nice time?  Actually be a loving family and maybe do a little something to bring about that world peace everyone talks about?  I don’t think it’s ridiculously selfish to want one national holiday that doesn’t involve feeling like shit.  I really don’t.  It’s not even Christmas yet, and I feel like shit already.  This isn’t healthy, you know?  This doesn’t make us a stronger family or better people.  I’m sick of that being an excuse for all of the bullshit we go through at the holidays.

Someone asked me a few weeks ago what I wanted for Christmas this year.  I thought about it a while and decided that I want a Christmas that doesn’t happen in BTown.  I want to spend the day with one or two people who love me unconditionally, who don’t care if I got them expensive presents or made them cookies.  I want to not have to feel guilty about everything and have a day that’s just for me.  I want to sit on the couch with Lem and eat frozen pizza and drink egg nog and watch movies with those one or two people who love me unconditionally.  I want to laugh.  I want to enjoy the holiday without having to be a part of it.  I want the chance to never have to go through any of this pain and depression and bullshit ever again.

But I knew that wasn’t what they were asking.  So I said to get me some socks instead.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. tim
    Jan 04, 2010 @ 15:40:24

    This is a particularly great post, though its darkness is pretty dark. The last paragraph is pretty much a tour de force and I love the fact that it ends on “socks”, as it of course, should. What can I say? Come spend next year’s Soltice Festival with us. We have a six year old. Well, she’ll be seven then, so it’ll be jolly fun watching her enjoy the day. Piper was really into xmas this year. We did have some near scrapes with the Jesus story, but we mostly walk softly on by that without getting into it much. As you know I am pretty much a standard belgaic pagan, circling around first century versions of tree and goddess worship. I like the idea that the winter solstice marks the low point, light-wise, in the year, and after it passes things tend to get better. All the hoopla about presents and such is good for the kids, but not so meaningful once you’re grown up. We bought a bunch of xmas music this year, mainly the classic versions like Bing’s white xmas and David Bowie singing Little Drummer Boy. You get the idea. Piper particularly liked Bob Dylan’s version of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. I myself never see my family. They are mainly too difficult to spend any actual time with. Kimb’s family, however, is pretty much the opposite thereof. Holidays with them are usual cheerful occasions, involving wine and games and small weird performances like the time Uncle Jimmy played and sang the Gilligan’s Island theme at t’giving and we all joined in. I don’t know why so many families are so dysfunctional, but I really don’t think xtianity helps much. It’s so about saying something but then doing something completely different. I think that is the first thing that drives people away from the cultural referrent religion, hypocrisy. Like your mother insisting you go to church, but making it into an ego-driven war as to who’s will will triumph. That is just wrong, and the rabbi yeshua would certainly not approve of the struggle. As a matter of fact, yeshua would just as soon you celebrated channukah, seeing as how he was, in fact, a practicing jew. But all that is neither here nor there. Do come see us for a holiday and we will all have some fun. Tim


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