i took a snapshot

This morning, I  made the mistake of trying to trim my bangs.  You can imagine the hilarity that arose from this situation.  Thankfully, it is winter and, thankfully, I own hats.

I’ve realised recently that life right now is pretty much okay.  School is tedious and pointless, with brief moments of blind panic (often when I realise I have an x number-page paper due the next morning) and utter frustration (which usually occur after the reveal of the x number-page papers).  But it’s okay.  Rehearsal is kind of a joke right now as I have lost the ability to care about what happens to this show.  And every now and then something really pisses me off about the show and I bitch about it for a little while, but it becomes a non-issue just as quickly as it appears.

As for me, personally?  I’m just fine.  Everything is fine.  And when it’s not ‘fine’, it’s usually ‘good’ — or maybe ‘vaguely irritating’ — and then it goes back to being ‘fine’.  I’m in a pretty good state emotionally.  And as long as I don’t think about shit with the show or shit back home, everything remains fine.  I do my laundry and I take out my trash and I drop off Donovan’s recycling (because there’s not a place to do it in Du Quoin and I’ve been on his ass about his plastic use) and sometimes I have papers to write or readings to finish or bad haircuts to give myself, and it’s all just pretty much fine.

It’s kind of nice to be fine.  I can tell you that it’s terribly addictive.

And I keep thinking that once the snow melts and the show closes and I get into a real routine, things will go from ‘fine’ to ‘great’.  And ‘great’ would be a really, really nice thing to be.  I’d like to be ‘great’ for a while.  I’m not ‘great’ very often.

It’s also kind of nice to write a post that doesn’t involve me having existential crises all over the interwebs.


3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. erik
    Feb 04, 2009 @ 21:52:38

    i think i actually have a mild case of the studpidest illness there is: SAD. like birdman, i really like the sun to be close. fucking midwest with its seven month winters.


  2. Asbjorn
    Feb 04, 2009 @ 21:54:02

    Sometimes being happy is a choice you can make. When Bradway left me in 1993 I was devastated, but I decided I needed to choose to be happy. And I did that. And it helped. It also helped that I didn’t just drink and drug and whine my way into the afterlife, which could’ve happened, but for Paige. Anyway, things are so hard for us now, but I am still choosing to be happy. This existence is a kind of magic thing, whatever happens. Of course I am not coming out for dwelling on the bad stuff. I think you have the right idea. It will all take care itself; the play will go on one way or the other and your family will be what it will be. That is always going to be true. Glad to see you well and happy. Spring is definitely coming. Tim


  3. Asbjorn
    Feb 18, 2009 @ 01:43:07

    I hear Paige is coming to town. I hope you both have a jolly time of it. Being happy can really be a good thing. We are sloggin on here in Urbana. Hope to see you this year, but whether we do or not know that we love you and are always pulling for you. As my old friend Myra Epping always says, thumbs up!


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