don’t go so fast, but i go pretty far

Today begins my last week in BTown.  I hung out with two toddlers this morning, playing hide-and-go-seek and witnessing some pretty epic battles with imaginary alligators.  I also taught a four-year-old to say ‘throw down’, which brought me a lot more joy than his parents are going to feel later today.

Last night was kind of rough.  You might have noticed that.  I’m feeling better today and am pushing for that positive outlook I keep talking about.  I’m going to be happy this year.  I will I will I will.

Currently, I am attempting to learn to drive a 5-speed.  This is proving to be a rather difficult venture.  When I was first learning to drive a car, my folks were of the opinion that it was the responsibility of my Driver’s Ed instructor to teach me how to drive.  This resulted in me having several panic attacks and flunking Behind the Wheel.  The reason?  Ms. Smith, my instructor (whom we all called ‘Mr. Smith’ due to her questionable gender identity), was unable to have a conversation with a person at a decibel lower than your average Metallica concert.  Now in a classroom, this wasn’t much of a problem (especially if you were like me and hid in the very back of the room), but in a Toyota Camry this tendency resulted in quite a bit of physical pain and an even greater amount of psychological distress.  And when I am psychologically distressed, Toyota Camrys (Camries?) are in a rather precarious position.

I feel that this lesson was not fully learned by my parents.  My arrival home brought with it a sudden need to clean the house.  This was swiftly followed by an entire week of up-chucking and questionable bowels.  Last week was a complete waste of time for reasons I don’t even recall, though my mother claims I spent half of the week in Chicago.  My mother, it seems, has problems with fractions (1/7 = 1/2.  Apparently.).  So now it is Sunday and I am leaving town on Thursday and the Kia’s tendency to go into third gear when you really would rather be in first gear is causing her considerable distress, and when my mother has considerable distress about the Kia, she starts bitching about my da.

And that is why I’m writing on WordPress.

I’m pretty sure that once I have neither one of my parents in the car with me and having an apoplexy, I will be perfectly fine, and I will arrive in Centralia with nought a scratch on my personage.  It’s just getting to that point that’s the issue right now.

In other news, Sam Shepard got arrested for driving while intoxicated in downtown BTown yesterday. I cannot wait to tell my playwrighting instructor.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Asbjorn
    Jan 04, 2009 @ 21:17:18

    Sam Sheperd got arrested in Btown? You gotta wonder about the local authorities. When I was young Allen Ginsberg was arrested in downtown Wichita for brandishing a plastic toy water pistol at a reading at a bar on Broadway. From that arrest came the epic poem, Wichita Vortex Sutra, which posited that the vietnam war was actually started by Carrie Nation when she broke up the bar in the Eaton Hotel (the establishment next to the dive Ginsberg was appearing at). So, sometimes great art can issue from the silliness of those in uniform. And good luck on that car business. Do be careful, but I know you are. Hey I posted a new poem, too! A new old poem, if you know what I mean, and you do, you do.


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